What does living the new paradigm mean in our relationships?

gayatri's picture
We may have great ideas on what the new paradigm is theoretically, it's translating these ideas into living realities that is the real adventure. I believe doing this within our relationships provides a major opportunity for transforming our lives.... Put differently, when our relationships shift in the direction of unconditionality - allowing each individual freedom to discover and create their own journey, we truly have made great strides. Please share some of what you are actually doing in your peer relationships to express the new paradigm of oneness.

"Relating" vs "Relationship"

I am currently experimenting with the notion of “relating” rather than being in “relationship.” This is a co-experiment in honoring the changeable, unpredictable dance with the unknown – when relating to a man who has chosen to be relating with me. How awkward to write/say it in this way – to not define and tidy up this dynamic exchange as a “relationship,” or even use the posessive word “my.”

When we part, we often don’t plan our next rendezvous or phone contact, leaving room to anticipate meeting again - with the mystery of where, when or if ever. In the past I had a pattern of planning my schedule and focus around the man in my life. This is new.

So far, I feel surprisingly alert, a little precarious and very aware of my old patterns of definition and attachment. Who is this person to me? Who am I to him? Where is this going? How long will it last? All questions that take me out of this ephemeral slipping-by-moment.

I never liked the whole notion of impermanence. I couldn’t believe that the Tibetan Monks who, after a week of devotedly creating a sand mandala (while sitting, hunched over on the floor), would eventually smoosh all the colors together and pour the sand into the nearby Bolin Creek. What was the point? All that beauty gone.

It’s challenging for me to let go, especially of something that’s good.

So, I’m practicing. I’m practicing paying exquisite attention to the aliveness of connecting, knowing that each moment is passing. I’m practicing making my own life my focus. And you know what? It feels better than I expected.

A Divinely Orchestrated Dance

Yes, yes, yes! Imagine that each day, each moment, is a divinely orchestrated dance between our hearts and those of each person we come into contact with - whatever the interaction. Imagine slowing down enough to fully be present in each moment, open to the whisper of what is right before us and trusting it holds the perfect offering, the perfect jewel of connection, for us at that time - whether we understand it at the time or not. Imagine...all of us as students in a cosmic "Conscious Relationship" dance class. Dosey doh.

Relating v. Relationships

I see this as the practice of being in the moment, the now. A "relationship" is either past or future. It is either about something we did or said in the past that we now have to live up to or it is something we're creating in the future. What if we just enjoyed the moment together?

Personal experience of relating within oneness

Yes, these are all wonderful thoughts and I would love to hear about people's personal experience.

Part of being present in the moment for me is the practice of trusting that when someone else makes a choice that affects me, it also is beneficial to me. Sometimes it can be a stretch to really get, especially if their choice inconveniences or disappoints me initially....

For example, I rent to 5-6 people within our community and my preference is to have very little turnover. I used to take it personally when someone gave notice and fear loss of rental income. Then one day, after much practice, I noticed I had a whole different attitude when someone announced her leaving.

When Leslie told me of her upcoming departure, and how she wanted to return to Vermont to be with family, I actually felt excitement for her. Even though I had loved having her here and did have some of my old concerns, it felt right that she move there and my overwhelming response was to be joyful and trusting. It amazed me! I could even feel excitement at who might be our next community member. As it turned out, we had a series of wonderful temporary residents who paid more money for being here on a retreat basis, and then the right long-term resident showed up - all in perfect timing. And Leslie is very happy too!

The more I work with this principle of mutuality in oneness, the more I notice it and the more I trust the flow of life. I experience it in small ways every day - from suddenly realizing that I am to take a right turn at the next light only after a driver refused to let me into the left lane, to being home and receiving an unexpected important call because a friend canceled a lunch meeting.

Intellectually I truly understand the concept that what truly benefits someone else also benefits me within a paradigm of oneness, however actually LIVING it is beyond inspiring. Life is so much more of an adventure. Very often I can feel immediate gratitude at a driver I previously might have gotten upset with, and find myself wondering, "What sort of adventure will this facilitate?"

What are your experiences?

Blesssings,
Gayatri

From the desk of
Gayatri Erlandson, PhD
managing editor of this site
Asheville, North Carolina
USA

It is either about something

It is either about something we did or said in the past that we now have to live up to or it is something we're creating in the future. Thanks for sharing.
Regards,

Yes, these are all wonderful

Yes, these are all wonderful thoughts and I would love to hear about people's personal experience. Thanks.
Regards,

Creative indea!

For certainly that, doing this within our relationships provides a major opportunity for transforming our lives.That is also necessary for each person to carry out in communication.

This is very useful info you

This is very useful info you have provided us. I will bookmark this for future reference and refer it to my friends. More power to your blog. Thanks for sharing.
Regards,

i agree

I agree on what you have said very true!

To this day I still have no

To this day I still have no idea what that means, and at the time.We can enter into relationships knowing that our partner does not complete.

I sincerely appreciate the

I sincerely appreciate the large number of holistic and natural healing alternatives that Ashe ville has, which many other places do not.

You are so right about this.

You are so right about this. You have to create your own journey in the future. This is a plan you have to stick to.

Sharing

Allowing each other to develop separately ultimately brings us closer together.

Thanks

I believe doing this within our relationships provides a major opportunity for transforming our lives....

Very inspring and insightful

I also wanted to thank you for this post - I have a recent realtionship that has benefitted from exactly what I've read here - almost everything here applies to my journey.

wow...thats deep

Individuality is key and the base of our freedom. Without it, our world would be boring and communistic. Great post. Very moving and inspiring. :)

thanks for telling us about relationships

thanks for telling us about new paradigm mean in our relationships...Love is the most profound emotion known to human beings. For most people, romantic relationships are the most meaningful element in their lives. But the ability to have a healthy, loving relationship is not innate. Almost all of us have experienced a failed relationship, and most of us have to work consciously to master the skills necessary to make them flourish...

Yes, sometimes we have to

Yes, sometimes we have to carefully think about this relationship. This is very important.

Youre not the average blog

Youre not the average blog writer, man. You definitely have something powerful to add to the web. Your design is so strong that you could almost get away with being a bad writer, but youre even awesome at expressing what you have to say. Such a great blog. Ill be back for more.

cleaning company

I found your site when I googled "barter network. Several years ago I was part of a barter group in Va. Having been in Asheville for three years now, and like you, (us all)realize that with things being a bit challenging now, it makes sense to reach out and help one another however possible.

Well this fits for me too

Well this fits for me too now I’m practicing paying exquisite attention to the aliveness of connecting, knowing that each moment is passing.

Great ideas, this article

Great ideas, this article has really got me thinking forward and feeling much more positively, thanks.

Thanks for telling us

thanks for telling us about new paradigm mean in our relationships?...gayatri i agree with you in each and every point...Thanks for providing for us.I read your article with my pleasure....

"Relating" vs "Relationship"

This is like my coffee morning, I mean your blog, I've been an ignorant on so many topics but thanks to you I wake up.

Thanks for great post, I got

Thanks for great post, I got lot of ideas with this, and i will bookmark this post.

thank you for this insight

thank you for this insight

just catched this site from

just catched this site from google search . great article , i just registered in this site and grooming in all the post .anyway great fell..

Interesting post and thanks

Interesting post and thanks for sharing. Some things in here I have not thought about before.Thanks for making such a cool post which is really very well written.will be referring a lot of friends about this.Keep blogging.